eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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