Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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