it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
