I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
