I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
