It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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