They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
