I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
