i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
