Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
