Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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