so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
