the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
