Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
