woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
