Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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