Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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