Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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