you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
