you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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