i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
