take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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