Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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