He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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