I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
