Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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