She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
