Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
