So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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