I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
