Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
