So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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