I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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