In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
