I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
