Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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