It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hippo gnu deer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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