i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
