he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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