How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
