what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We are two peas in an std pod
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
