Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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