wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
