No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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