My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
