You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
