Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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