i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
