Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
