..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
