you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
